01 September 2011

Ants In The Pants, and Other Bugs

Wow. It's possible that Idaho ruined me forever. I forgot how hard it can be to sit through classes at school.

I think I've always had struggles holding still in class or during other meetings that require sitting for extended periods of time. I distinctly remember one of my best friends from high school telling me during class one day that I fidget more than anyone else she's ever known. One of my high school teachers/ cross country coach told me once that she could tell how closely  I was paying attention and focussing based on how much I bounced my knee up and down underneath my desk during class. (What can I say? It's a lot easier to stay awake and listen or read if I'm not sitting totally still). My mom has nudged me in the ribs on more than one occassion at church and asked me, "Are you okay? You're making the whole bench shake. Can't you hold still?" Basically, I have two states: 1.conscious and moving  2. unconscious. I suppose that there's a third one which includes me both holding fairly still for a while and remaining conscious, but I that's a state to which I seem to only take brief and occassional vacations.

I knew that going back to school and having to sit through class rather than getting to be out on the water was going to difficult, but I didn't realize just how difficult. While a lot of time rafting is sent sitting, as a guide, I was constantly moving my arms and could stand up pretty much whenever. I was always outside getting to enjoy the breathtaking scenery and I even got to swim while working. Now, I sit at a desk inside and am expected to hold still while carefully listening to one person talk about not always thrilling or fascinating topics for up to seventy-five minutes straight. I forgot how hard that is.

I think it's even harder than ever now and I frequently find myself wandering around outside during the few minutes I have between classes, almost all of which are in the same building and don't usually require moving outside. I find myself studying outside more than ever and dreading having to go inside- especially into small rooms that have either few windows or windows that I have to sit with my back to. There was even a brief moment this morning during Accounting in which I had to surpress the urge to just jump up out of my desk and make a break for the door at full speed, simply because my focus and ability to hold still while remaining conscious had worn so thin. Luckilly, the urge was surpressed and none quite like it occured the rest of the day.

Oh, dear. This may be a long semester of classes. At least it's not cold yet.

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